Archive | June, 2013

Sweet nothings

27 Jun

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Baked with the friends today and we met at 9am to buy ingredients! And then we attempted to study,we did,but after the hour and a half we started doing a mini photo shoot “Look outside at the sunlight!” “Tilt your head!”I cannot emphasize how pretty the photos turned out! I think I’d repeated myself a lot today! Then we baked salted red velvet with cream cheese frosting! Which tasted pretty okay…ya no the texture looked like play dough but still tasted perfectly fine!! And I’m quite shagged ahahahah alright
Till then,
Xx

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Freedom//

25 Jun

So today as I was waiting at the lift,this sudden realization came to me that I didn’t really care about whether or not that certain guy liked me anymore or what he even thought of me through Instagram. I was freeand the feeling of freedom from just something small would make everything feel so much lighter. And then I thought about girls with the fake breasts and the stupid ways they try to make their natural breasts grow much much bigger are actually so insecure. Now,viewing insecurity is a very perspective kind of thing. To each his own. But what they truly crave for is love and attention. And what’s the easiest way that can be done? Through outward appearances. Just need to fill ’em breasts, go for plastic,stuff tissue, make the ass look bigger to do what? To attract people. We always want to impress and impress and make people likeus even more but we don’t see that personality would shine far greater than big breasts and perky butts. Guys don’t really care about the whole breasts thing, at least for the non superficial men. That’s what pornshows you,it shows you that guys love the whole deal about squeezing and touching, but in a few years time,what happens? YOU GROW OLD. So there are things called Botox and fillers but isn’t it tiring? I mean, I wouldn’t want a guy who cares only about his muscles and ripped body thinking I love him for that. No, we want security and maturity and a sense to love someone far greater than self.

Bottom line is, be yourself. Not everybody is going to like you, and you really shouldn’t care about whether your actions are gonna be loved by people who probably won’t matter 10 years down the road (unless of course they are your parents,good friends,teachers etc) don’t tie yourself to bondage, one day you are only gonna get hung from it.
Till then,
xx

“I’m safe”

24 Jun

I soaked myself
In the bathtub
Poured a glass of wine
And was drenched in melancholy
I started to count off
My fingers
The number of times
We’ve started about us
But never finished,only dust
The days when I used to throw
The wine glass at you
Yes,the exact same one
And then sat down
Taping each piece up again
I believed in rewind
And recycling each feel
To crawl back to comfort
A safe haven
Humans want to know
they are the same
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
So they shelf every thought
Into an alphabetical mess
Revisiting when spring comes

Legacy camp ‘ 13

22 Jun

I am finally back.Fully loaded with Christ esteem and tips on living life!

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!

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Ok so to be clear,this is my first Legacy camp and I’m glad I made it and went for it because boy,let me tell you,the things I’ve received,it definitely cannot be bought with money. It was so filled with the Holy Spirit every step of the way and also the presence of Jesus,the anointing of this camp was so strong! I learnt a whole lot of tips on overcoming the fear of man and also knowing we are His beloved! I actually went to camp with a heavy heart,I literally felt the weight on me and the entire first night I was still so conscious of the heaviness I was telling Jesus to take away the weight. The second night,pastor Ben preached and also ministered and I remembered him saying,”The Lord is telling me some of you here are feeling emotionally broken,and needs the mending.” Something along those lines. I felt a prompting for God to go up there and receive the healing. I hesitated. Because I was afraid. Afraid of being seen by others and them thinking “Oh this girl needs help?Well look at me I don’t need any.” I was truly worried. Then Pastor Ben asked again for those to come up and by this time,a lot were already queuing to receive the spiritual help. Then I saw Daryl going up to receive as well and that was when I was like,”Okay Lord,I’ll go up too.” And I was so glad I did. I broke down when the prayer was said over me and my heart felt so much lighter and less troubled. The works of our Abba father.

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I thank God for placing me in Legacy,I mean there MUST have been a purpose for me to be there and maybe I’ll soon find out. I also thank God for placing me in a dg that has pretty amazing people. If I do go UK next year,I’ll miss them. Some of them ahhahah not all,sorry.

Till then,
xx

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Ask.fm

16 Jun

Hi guys!!!! Created a ask.fm account puredefaux
Please ask any questions! Urge any of you to hit me with questions thank q!!! xx

Helga and Arnold

15 Jun

We both stood on the opposite tracks, holding each something that meant something to us. A train goes past us and all I could see was the vagueness of you and the past of us both in the shadows of the dust. If only I could reach out and pull you close to my side once again. Inhale your scent and fall asleep right next to you. Make our worlds spin and spin and spin till we get dizzy and had enough of the alcoholic words. You used to give the tiniest crack of a smile whenever I told you I wished I met you sooner because we both knew the two words “If only” so fondly. I’ve written down all our dances together right outside my gate because I didn’t want to leave you not even for one single night so you pressed the button of a player and taught me the steps to becoming a better person. Cradled the exchanges every night to bed,laying them out again for me to remember them and not forget. How could I forget?

I look up and I see you at the opposite track,gripping onto something so tightly. The next train passed not forward, only backward. Heartbeats became faster and the tracks squealed to a stop. The first valentine heart I drew for thee was with a pink Crayola and a cut out heart shaped paper. And with all ugliness I wrote the prettiest words to you. I sealed it with a kiss,licked the sticky parts of it and mailed it to the part of me that needed comfort. Grade 2 we sat next to
each other on the swing my fingers creating a flower crown- my love for you was like Helga to Arnold deep,secretive and everlasting. I picked up those parts I left on the ground,the ones I had hoped you picked up,and settled them into my pocket because they were of no use anymore. It needed to be locked up,kept safely away.

I wrote all this down in a letter,everyday,dated and erased almost every minute. Because all I wanted to keep were the beautiful lines and scribbles and here I hold this in my hand over 15 years worth of words it means so much more than you think.

Illusion

14 Jun

It’s so weird. I feel like I cannot decipher anything now. Everything you say suddenly turns so foreign.It’s scaring me because I wish I knew you better didn’t I? I used to feel this strong connection between us both. Radioactive but now all I see is a stranger. We’ve both ended up on different levels,I can only see a part of you that was once familiar. We both speak English. So what’s wrong with the communication between us both? Broken down? I wish I knew. Chuckles I take it as a sign from God if you and I no longer speak the same anymore. I’ll let go of that rope I’ve held on for quite sometime I thought I saw the end of the rope but it was an illusion.