Tag Archives: love

Wings

3 Aug

I would love it if someone was there to protect me, someone physically there because I mean, I know my God will be here forever and always. And I would like Him to send me someone who would be there, 24/7. I don’t know if I’ve found mine. Maybe it’s just right before my eyes and I just can’t seem to grasp it because I refuse to believe it. Telling myself that I’m not good enough to be that special someone because there’s always gonna be that other one. But if you are that one, if one day you ever read this, I want to say thank you, beautiful. And I love you.

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Guy best friend 101

23 Jul

I’ve always wanted a guy best friend be it gay or not but I’ve always thought of the endless situations when there is just that comfortable level of friendship. For example, as weird as it may sound,I want a friendship where I can just walk around half naked and know that nothing is going to be aroused or you get what I mean. Just so comfortable that we can both lie on the same bed and fall asleep and know that aint nothing going to happen that night. Okay,so maybe a few kisses shared would be okay,but that’s it. The imaginary line is drawn there. Isn’t it wonderful to not deal with girls so much and have a guy bff you can turn to? I think it is! It’s just a beautiful friendship that embodies everything and anything. The sad times when you can lie on his chest and cry and he’ll kiss your forehead and say “hey no worries.” Actually I think all that I’ve just said will only happen when I’m 20 and over probably not now. Not that I dont want to, I haven’t developed anything with anyone till that comfortable level.

Till then,
x

Feeling the real blues

22 Jul

Monday is definitely bluesy. Currently having the flu with my lovely twin Zilin C and this morning we had the longest twinning moment texting each other! Also, my period just came (not that anyone needed to know) but I’ll be on an emotional roller coaster this week so every friend of mine please beware!! I mean,hey,I don’t want to lose anyone right? So there are certain things on my mind bothering me currently but I can’t say it here b/c of obvious reasons like (this is the Internet) but just to be vague like a fog, I want to create lasting friendships and not let it be broken down by some flirt???????????????? Okay that’s all. Till then,send me much love,
x

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Axis

3 Jul

My happiness used to revolve
Around you and the imaginary care
and love I invented
Everyday I wrote something
That made me happy
So by 31 December 2013
I would have 365 days
Of happiness
Perhaps more
I unfolded some that I wrote
And realized that at least 1/4
Had your name written on
/laughs/
My life used to spin
On an axis that I drew
Fading as each second ticked
You were happiness
Happy was I
I’ve never regretted you
Not ever
Not even this 184th day
But I have to let you know
That I wished hard
Like a child
How those seconds fading
Would pause
And spin on a real axis
You and I could both draw
And love on
We are just not meant
Like how water and oil
Never mix
We just
Happen
To cross each other’s paths
Talk a bit
Create a deep love
Then walk away
Because we
Have better things to do
In our lives
Our lives that will
Never co-exist

True love

1 Jul

These few days I’ve been thinking about a particular question and I really want to know : How do you know when true love is right before your eyes? Before you say “Oh my bed is my true love.” Think again. I don’t mean what’s literally in front of you. I really want to find out how would one know when true love is staring right at them. What if true love slips past you and you wouldn’t even realize it. Because you’ve never seen true love. You wouldn’t know how it feels or the way it moves. True love is like a stranger, once met its fate but if never,what happens then? Do we find our second love? Settling for second best? I don’t know. What if true love has already sat by your side,but gone and past,only a facade,merely a face in the crowd you never quite seem to notice because we are all caught up in our own world, “Me myself and I”. Wouldn’t that be sad? Because we don’t have a true love radar or a beep that would sound if it was sitting right next to you or standing in the bus that very morning. I don’t know. Because I haven’t found mine yet. Soon,maybe. Perhaps only 10 years down the road when I walk the aisle or maybe 30 years or only when I get old and crinkly and I realize my next door neighbor happens to be the one. Or maybe even never. I don’t quite know.

Freedom//

25 Jun

So today as I was waiting at the lift,this sudden realization came to me that I didn’t really care about whether or not that certain guy liked me anymore or what he even thought of me through Instagram. I was freeand the feeling of freedom from just something small would make everything feel so much lighter. And then I thought about girls with the fake breasts and the stupid ways they try to make their natural breasts grow much much bigger are actually so insecure. Now,viewing insecurity is a very perspective kind of thing. To each his own. But what they truly crave for is love and attention. And what’s the easiest way that can be done? Through outward appearances. Just need to fill ’em breasts, go for plastic,stuff tissue, make the ass look bigger to do what? To attract people. We always want to impress and impress and make people likeus even more but we don’t see that personality would shine far greater than big breasts and perky butts. Guys don’t really care about the whole breasts thing, at least for the non superficial men. That’s what pornshows you,it shows you that guys love the whole deal about squeezing and touching, but in a few years time,what happens? YOU GROW OLD. So there are things called Botox and fillers but isn’t it tiring? I mean, I wouldn’t want a guy who cares only about his muscles and ripped body thinking I love him for that. No, we want security and maturity and a sense to love someone far greater than self.

Bottom line is, be yourself. Not everybody is going to like you, and you really shouldn’t care about whether your actions are gonna be loved by people who probably won’t matter 10 years down the road (unless of course they are your parents,good friends,teachers etc) don’t tie yourself to bondage, one day you are only gonna get hung from it.
Till then,
xx

Helga and Arnold

15 Jun

We both stood on the opposite tracks, holding each something that meant something to us. A train goes past us and all I could see was the vagueness of you and the past of us both in the shadows of the dust. If only I could reach out and pull you close to my side once again. Inhale your scent and fall asleep right next to you. Make our worlds spin and spin and spin till we get dizzy and had enough of the alcoholic words. You used to give the tiniest crack of a smile whenever I told you I wished I met you sooner because we both knew the two words “If only” so fondly. I’ve written down all our dances together right outside my gate because I didn’t want to leave you not even for one single night so you pressed the button of a player and taught me the steps to becoming a better person. Cradled the exchanges every night to bed,laying them out again for me to remember them and not forget. How could I forget?

I look up and I see you at the opposite track,gripping onto something so tightly. The next train passed not forward, only backward. Heartbeats became faster and the tracks squealed to a stop. The first valentine heart I drew for thee was with a pink Crayola and a cut out heart shaped paper. And with all ugliness I wrote the prettiest words to you. I sealed it with a kiss,licked the sticky parts of it and mailed it to the part of me that needed comfort. Grade 2 we sat next to
each other on the swing my fingers creating a flower crown- my love for you was like Helga to Arnold deep,secretive and everlasting. I picked up those parts I left on the ground,the ones I had hoped you picked up,and settled them into my pocket because they were of no use anymore. It needed to be locked up,kept safely away.

I wrote all this down in a letter,everyday,dated and erased almost every minute. Because all I wanted to keep were the beautiful lines and scribbles and here I hold this in my hand over 15 years worth of words it means so much more than you think.