“Will I find someone like you?”

10 Jul

There’s a wreckage, there’s a fire
There’s a weakness in my love
There’s a hunger I can’t control

Tracing the rim of the stained coffee mug,Josiah stared blankly out of the window and placed on his earphones.

So I look, do I still fail
Do I withhold, do I still give in to temptation
On my own I am bankrupt
I will trust You, I’ll take you at your word
You promise

Everything yet nothing seemed to work out in his life right now. Susie was back in the hospital, his father chased him out of the house, don’t even begin about his mother because he didn’t have one. Not since 2 years ago. He sighed and looked around him. Everyone except him,seemed to be living a perfect life. With perfect smiles and joyful laughter. A carefree minute he desperately wanted. Josiah used to write poems about Susie in his free time and he missed her toothless small smile every time he wrote about love. She’ll ask “Josi, will I ever find someone that would love me like you do?” He would reply,always, “Of course,beautiful.” and she would fall back peacefully into sleep. He always felt so afraid at night when the haunting thought of Susie suddenly losing all the oxygen in her body and lifelessness replacing the beauty in her eyes; He loved her,he always did. And he knew she knew that. Susie always seemed to read him perfectly like the chapters in her favorite book and always touched his hand,giving him an understanding nod. She knew the pain he went through at school every time someone laughed and said “Loser with a sick sister.” His lips were always bitten on so hard; He felt like crying out to God and asking “Why me?” But he knew why. Or maybe he didn’t. Never finding an answer.

Josiah gently pushed open the door and stepped in Susie’s own hospital room. The nurses were nice enough to decorate the room with streamers and balloons for her,placing new teddy bears around the area for her. She was now fast asleep,her small chest going up and down slowly. He sat down quietly on one of the chairs, took out his notebook and pen and started writing.

Dear Susie,
You once said
If life gave you lemons
Always make lemon tea
Because though tea is bitter
Lemon makes it all the more sweeter
Your life these 8 years
Has made my tea
A whole lot sweeter
You never quite believed
In barbies
Because you think you aren’t one
And you aren’t
You’re beautiful
In your own Susie way
I’ll miss your kisses
On the cheek
Everytime I say “Oh help me”
The way you laugh
And tell me to lighten up
Oh Josiah
You’ll whisper
I love you Susie
I always will
When you fall
I promise I’ll pick you up
The day you cannot speak
I’ll be your mouth
I’ll carry you up the stairs
Every night
Tuck you into bed
I cannot wait till you come home
Susie
Happy 8th birthday
And to many more
Love,
Josiah

“I’m so sorry,Josiah. She passed on peacefully yesterday night.” He could only see her, no longer breathing, her eyelids no longer fluttering. She became an angel.
“Josiah,will I ever find someone like you?” “Of course you will,beautiful.” “I’m not beautiful. I have no more hair left and all I’m left is a bag of bones.” “Just wait. You’ll turn into a swan soon.”

“All I wish for is for you to find your true happiness,Josi. That’s my 8th birthday wish. I don’t need a present. I just need you by my side.”

“Will I find someone like you?”

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