“If I sink I want to sink deeper into you only.”

8 Jul

I sink myself further down,almost touching the floor but never because when it’s deep,you never want to tread further. I push myself up again to the surface to hear only the world making noises that creates a hybrid of kids and adults all talking at once. My head goes down again, feeling the tranquility of chlorine water. Up“Charlie,get back here!” Down; only the sounds of lapping water I don’t quite want to get back to the surface. Just hoping to sink and find a place for myself underwaterI want to float by everything and manage things by myself but the only way now possible is to sink downwards. I sink down in life everytime. I don’t mean I get upset and grumpy all the time but all I feel these days is loneliness. And I’m used to it. And I don’t ever want it to become a part of me. I really don’t. I fear for the day when I start to hate everything around me and become a rebellious child. No. It won’t happen. I want to have the relationship I had with my father beforeBroken relationships,God will mend. I know,I know. Just let it be soon before things spiral and turn into a whirlwind. oh god,I don’t know what to do anymore. I give up I’m letting go and letting God.

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